For almost all my 57 years, life seemed like limitless possibility. Little did I know.
I was certain I could know and/or accomplish everything I wanted. Then at the age of 46, my doctor delivered the news that upset all my perfect plans - I have Parkinson’s Disease.
Parkinson’s is degenerative, progressive, and incurable. The shakey hands are just the beginning of a lifelong comedy/horror show. The disease slowly begins taking away most of the things that make life enjoyable: movement, coordination, sense of smell, balance, speech, cognition, swallowing, breathing. It can be a real bitch to live with.
Parkinson’s can also be a great source of humor, a teacher, a guide into deeper and more mature spiritual realms, and a great life mentor...
If you let it.
You know — like any adversity.
You have your own cross to bear, and whatever that is, it’s likely just as hard for you as this is for me. Mine’s not special.
Most of us do not get to choose our life’s Great Adversity — but we do get to choose our response to it.
Will it destroy us, or will it develop us? We get to decide.
I’m a little bit self-destructive, so some days I choose that path.
But most days my choice has been to ask, “How do I use this to develop myself?”
I've learned a few things in the intervening 11 years since that diagnosis.
I’ve learned to worry less about other people’s opinions of me (still working on it), I’ve learned a lot about compassion and empathy (also still working on these), and I’ve learned it’s best to pee sitting down (refer back to the part about shakey hands).
I’ve also come to believe you can do almost anything you want, but certainly not everything you want.
There isn't enough time or energy.
Our containers are limited.
Many of the beliefs I held most firmly as a young man have evaporated, as the unwinding of my physical self has progressed.
This leaves me with the unsettling realization that I know very little.
I don’t carry the same hardened set of certainties I once did about politics, economics, relationships, business, psychology, science, love, religion and philosophy.
I face the harsh (and surprisingly comforting) truth that there are more years behind me than there are ahead.
And so. What has all this learning and thinking and suffering got me?
If there is any “one thing” that seems more evident than ever before, it’s this:
Make the best use of today, because today is the only reality available.
The Good Shepherd said it this way: “Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”
Live like you were born yesterday, and like you will die tomorrow.
And if that doesn’t make any sense to you don’t worry.
It will.
#Shalom
This hits close to home.