Some Don’t Survive the Upgrade
My friend (and “shadow guru”) Mike Kim once told me, “When you are growing in self-awareness, you discover not everyone you love wants to grow along with you.”
I asked him, “How do I wake them up?”
Mike laughed. “Not your job, dude. That’s just how it goes.”
He grimaced, and then said, “Some don’t survive the upgrade. And that’s okay.”
While his words saddened me initially, my excitement for personal growth overshadowed that sentiment. Although I occasionally felt a pang of loss and curiosity, I often reflected on past friends, wondering, “Why didn’t you come with me?”
I have since discovered there are two sides to this coin (as there always are)…
One of the toughest aspects wasn’t just moving forward without some friends because they might hinder my growth; it was realizing that holding onto others might hinder their growth.
By letting them remain close to me, I could unintentionally deny them opportunities to achieve greater things. It would be purely for my comfort, stemming from my enjoyment of their company.
As time has passed, I’ve seen the selfishness in such actions.
Now, I strive to recognize when it’s best to let go, nudging them to discover their wings and venture forth.
They have new horizons to chase, experiences awaiting them—things they might miss if they stayed back for my sake (or even for their own comfort).
Their potential is vast, with endless possibilities ahead. Sometimes, embracing those possibilities means parting ways with me.
Because, you know… some don’t survive the upgrade.
And that’s okay.
I recently got back into touch with a friend of mine from my early 20s. We both used to roll with the same set in NYC while we were working a job in the same office. She was in sales, I was a copywriter.
10 years or so later, and she's at the BET Music Awards and I published a book. If we had held onto each other back in the day, I don't think we would have gotten this far. We would have stayed getting kicked out of bars in Newark.
This is one of the hard lessons of life and personal growth. Thanks for writing this, Ray!